Upon his way to rob a Bank
He paused to watch a fire;
Though crowds were pressing rank on rank
He pushed a passage nigher;
Then sudden heard, piercing and wild,
The screaming of a child.
A Public Enemy was he,
A hater of the law;
He looked around for bravery
But only fear he saw;
Then to the craven crowds amaze
He plunged into the blaze.
How anguished was the waiting spell
Of horror and of pain!
Then--then from out that fiery hell
He staggered forth again:
The babe was safe, in blankets wrapt,
The man flame lapt.
His record was an evil one,
Of violence and sin.
No good on earth he'd ever done,
Yet--may he Heaven win!
A gangster he . . . Is it not odd?
--With guts of God.
Back in 1989, being a fresh Psychology graduate, I
landed a job
in the personnel department in one of the government
offices in
Quezon City. A male co-worker, Jun, who was eleven years
older
than me became one of my friends while working there.
Jun was
kind, loving and romantic. He was the sole breadwinner
of his
family. His parents and relatives liked me a lot. As I
was single
and unattached, he courted me in 1990. I accepted his
marriage
proposal during the latter part of that year.
My parents did not approve of our relationship and
during the
first quarter of 1991, my parents made me quit my job.
My dad
was a military man and he threatened Jun to stay away
from me.
To make our long story short, I left my job because of
my family.
I lost touch with Jun as I kept myself busy with the
family business.
Basically, I went on with my life and tried to forget
about him.
In the morning of June 2nd 1994, I received a telegram
from his
aunt saying that Jun had died the day before. Shocked, I
crumpled
the short note and phoned his aunt for confirmation in a
hurry.
She told me that after we parted, Jun resigned from his
job and
drank heavily everyday. He neglected his health as well
as his
body. Pneumonia caused his sudden death.
"Even up till his remaining hours, all he wanted was to
see
you. During his final moments while suffering from
delirium, he
even told us that he still loves you very much." Jun's
aunt
said.
Sadly, my parents wouldn't allow me to go to his wake. I
mourned
quietly inside my room. It even came to a point where I
tried
to convince myself that he wasn't dead.
In January 1995 just before my birthday, Jun visited me
in a
dream. I dreamed that I was inside a hospital room. I
was wearing
a hospital gown and I was sitting at the foot of my bed.
Jun suddenly
appeared before me, clothed in bright lights. We
communicated
mentally. I told him it wasn't true that he was gone. He
replied
that I must accept the fact that he was already dead but
it didn't
mean that he was leaving me.
"I will always be beside you, guarding you." he said.
I cried saying, "I'm sorry I didn't have the guts to
fight
for our relationship."
He comforted me and soothed me by shrouding me with his
bright
light. The bliss I felt was interrupted by a voice
calling his
name.
"It's time for me to go." he told me.
"But what about me?" I asked, tears in my eyes.
"I will always be here for you." he replied.
"And I will be waiting for you there. Don't ever forget
that
I love you very much."
After saying this, he vanished before my eyes. I woke
up crying.
After that incident, I finally began to accept his
death. Whenever
I'm depressed, I feel his presence beside me. I know
that somehow
somewhere out there, he's still waiting patiently for
me.
Bitter cold was the day -
You could see your breath in the air;
Shivering beneath a thin wool blanket
And the government jumpsuit that I wear.
The silence is haunting,
Interrupted only by footsteps down the hall;
I wish I had something to read
Besides the cries written on these walls.
My memories are all that I have now,
And a very tiny sliver of hope keeps me going;
I think that because of the cold
Outside this cell, it must be snowing.
I had to break the ice in the toilet,
This morning like every other;
And I wish I could tell someone of this frozen hell,
If even a phone call home to mother.
At meals, I can just see the eyes of my bro,
Through the tiny food slot in the cell across the way;
He's talking less and less,
And his eyes seem to die a little more every day.
I don't know how long we've been here;
It's been at least a month, I know,
Since the night they chained us up
And carried us down here from the hole.
I don't know how long I can hold on,
I'm feeling weaker with every single day;
But I know I must stay strong
For my dying brother across the way.
There's about thirty of us down here,
Maybe more, I just don't know;
They had us packed like sardines in the cellhouse -
Maybe a hundred or so?
We spent Christmas and New Years,
Four of us to a tiny prison cell;
Until that night they carried us down here,
One by one, to this frozen hell.
I'd only been in prison a few months
When a riot broke out one winter morning;
It was December nineteenth,
And the entire prison was taken over without warning.
National Guard and Federal Agents came,
My unit was the second one to be hit;
They fired tear gas canisters in on us,
And that was all she writ.
We couldn't breath and couldn't see -
Snot poured out our tortured nose;
And I got hit especially bad
From a canister fired in too close.
They beat us with clubs and tied up our wrists,
We surrendered without a fight;
And I was taken with some of my bros
To the old cellhouse late that night.
And now I'm in this ice cold cell,
My mind slowly slipping away;
And all I can do is try to hold on
As I try to survive just one more day.
I try to do anything to feel somehow alive,
I pace the length of this eight foot concrete floor;
I wait on the daily meals and a little warmth
When just three times a day they open that tiny slot
To feed us through that solid steel door.
