I Can’t Remember

I can’t remember
skipping rocks on the beach
My childhoods forgotten
My childhoods lost.

Going to the doctor
Making mud cakes
Playing with friends in the street.

I can’t remember
All the bereavement
My childhoods forgotten
My childhoods lost.

The doctor doing surgery
Me getting pain pills
I can’t remember any of it
None of it’s clear.

I still can’t remember,
How it’s gone
My childhoods forgotten
My childhoods lost.


by Jamesha Willis

My Love Reveals Objects

True Love Ways from ne033x on Vimeo.

my love reveals objects
silken butterflies
concealed in his fingers

his words
splash me with stars

night shines like lightning
under the fingers of my love

my love invents worlds where
jeweled glittering serpents live

worlds where music is the world

worlds where houses with open eyes
contemplate the dawn

my love is a mad sunflower that forgets
fragments of sun in the silence


by Isabel Fraire

Far Away In The Near Distance

Far away in the near distance.
Stands a dream with no signs of resistance.
This dream exists in each and every one of us.
Yet we look back and forth.
Truly trying to understand.
Who is this weird man.
Talking of dreams and man.
I speak of happiness and peace.
If we all could understand.
We kill one another.
Then ask the question why we struggle.
If life is given.
Why not give it a chance.
Love and forgiveness a dream we all can agree.
Is something you and me can see.
Far away in the near distance.

by Edward Morales

Seven Great Love Letters

1. Ernest Hemingway to Marlene Dietrich

"I can't say how every time I ever put my arms around you I felt that I was home."


 2. Napoleon to Josephine 

 "Since I left you, I have been constantly depressed. My happiness is to be near you. Incessantly I live over in my memory your caresses, your tears, your affectionate solicitude. The charms of the incomparable Josephine kindle continually a burning and a glowing flame in my heart. When, free from all solicitude, all harassing care, shall I be able to pass all my time with you, having only to love you, and to think only of the happiness of so saying, and of proving it to you?"


3. Frida Kahlo to Diego Rivera

"Nothing compares to your hands, nothing like the green-gold of your eyes. My body is filled with you for days and days. You are the mirror of the night. The violent flash of lightning. The dampness of the earth. The hollow of your armpits is my shelter. my fingers touch your blood. All my joy is to feel life spring from your flower-fountain that mine keeps to fill all the paths of my nerves which are yours."


4. Georgia O'Keefe to Alfred Stieglitz  

"Dearest - my body is simply crazy with wanting you - If you don't come tomorrow - I don't see how I can wait for you - I wonder if your body wants mine the way mine wants yours - the kisses - the hotness - the wetness - all melting together - the being held so tight that it hurts - the strangle and the struggle." 


5. Beethoven to his 'Immortal Beloved' 

"Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, Be calm-love me-today-yesterday-what tearful longings for you-you-you-my life-my all-farewell. Oh continue to love me-never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours." 


6. Oscar Wilde to Lord Alfred Douglas  

"Everyone is furious with me for going back to you, but they don't understand us. I feel that it is only with you that I can do anything at all. Do remake my ruined life for me, and then our friendship and love will have a different meaning to the world. I wish that when we met at Rouen we had not parted at all. There are such wide abysses now of space and land between us. But we love each other." 


7. Henry VII to Anne Boleyn  

"But if you please to do the office of a true loyal mistress and friend, and to give up yourself body and heart to me, who will be, and have been, your most loyal servant, (if your rigour does not forbid me) I promise you that not only the name shall be given you, but also that I will take you for my only mistress, casting off all others besides you out of my thoughts and affections, and serve you only. I beseech you to give an entire answer to this my rude letter, that I may know on what and how far I may depend. And if it does not please you to answer me in writing, appoint some place where I may have it by word of mouth, and I will go thither with all my heart. No more, for fear of tiring you." 

Paw Prints from Heaven

Though you can't see me, I am always around...
Though you can't hear me, I am speaking to you...
Though you can't touch me, I am reaching for you...
The images you see, but cannot explain...
The energy you feel, but cannot see...
The love that you feel, when thinking of me...
My presence you feel, when walking outside...
My hugs remembered, never let go...
My heart that I gave you, that you now wear...
The things you are seeing, that no one can explain...
And the things that you hear, with no one around...
These gifts that I give you, are my Paw Prints from Heaven.

- Romeo

Songbird

High above in the trees.
Nestled among the leaves.
The songbird sings.
Her voice is heard on the breeze.
Sweet melodies floating across the seas.
The songbird sings of love, joy, and sweet romance.
A forever lover’s slow dance.
Whether at night or break of dawn.
Like a fairy with a magic wand.
Her voice can be heard across the skies.
This songbird so fair.
Touching the hearts and souls of lovers everywhere.

by Lamar Cole.

Somewhere I Have Never Travelled

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond 
any experience, your eyes have their silence: 
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, 
or which i cannot touch because they are too near 

your slightest look easily will unclose me 
though i have closed myself as fingers, 
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens 
(touching skilfully, misteriously) her first rose 

or if your wish be to close me, i and 
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly, 
as when the heart of this flower imagines 
the snow carefully everywhere descending; 

nothing we are to perceive in this world equals 
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture 
compels me with the colour of its countries, 
rendering death and forever with each breathing 

(i do not know what it is about you that closes 
and opens; only something in me understands 
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses) 
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands 

by E.E. Cummings 

If You Forget Me

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

by Pablo Neruda

I Believe In Love

" dreaming about you is not a sin ....
I will have your heart ...
believe me I'll win ...
I'll show the world that I can do it ...
I will reach you ...
reach the summit ...
I will bring the stars for you ...
cross the seas and deserts ...
make every dream you have true ...
It's days ... It's years ... I don't know ...
I believe in love ...
it is the source of all miracles ...
It is the hearts stove ...
it is the hope candles ...
to enlighten the the way of the night ...
who will break the walls of hopelessness ...
and reach you ... touch you hands ...
and dance with you ... the final dance ...
it will never happen again for me ...
it is one and only ... "

by Oaljararha

The Long Goodbye

Through eyes full of tears
Memories from all the years
I often sit and wonder why
Pondering this long goodbye

In April of two thousand eleven
The Lord took you to heaven
You left and went away
On that fateful day

 If you could only see
What it's done to me
To lose the life I knew
So lonely, so sad, so blue

All I want to do is cry
And breath a heavy sigh
With you went my heart
We will always be apart

I don't know what to do
Now that I'm without you
Dealing with all the sorrow
Not caring about tomorrow

It's just that I don't care
For a life that I can't share
Now all I can do is try
To finish this long goodbye

 by Gary Egge

Please Hold Onto Hope - A Personal Message from ne033x

Many of my friends and family know the "history" I have with my ex, Dara. Her drug addiction, and to be fair - mine too. I ended up quitting, and she didn't. She ended up literally losing everything, including her baby boy, Blaze, who I helped raise. I haven't spoken much of the details, but just know that for the past many months I have tried my very best to deal with an absolutely broken heart. You have no idea. I was in Blaze's life since he was just a few months old - changed his diapers, and tried my very best to show him a good world. He was my little buddy. And, he still is - will always be.

In the end, it wasn't about me and Dara, but this little child. He was taken away from his parents and put into foster care, and rightly so. It all depended on Dara to get clean to save him. I tried so hard to get her to realize this. I got frustrated often - even going so far as to tell her that Blaze doesn't deserve this, and that it was her fault. Not a day passed where I did not worry what Blaze was thinking of all of this. This is sense of pain and sorrow that no words can ever describe. What I have been dealing with.

Anyhow, a couple weeks ago, Dara came over and told me she was going to check into treatment for her drug addiction. I was so happy. BUT, I've heard it all before, so I just hoped it was true. She was that beautiful Dara I fell in love with, and I was just floored. I told her that I would literally do anything to help her with this. Well, she cleaned up my house, took care of me, and then all the sudden she was gone. I assumed she went back to her junkie buddies, and at this point, I literally lost all hope. If you watched my Queen music video, that's the story behind it. http://youtu.be/C0dKQrjkHEc

So, I didn't think it could get any worse, but it did - losing all hope in Dara getting better, and for saving Blaze from this bullshit he's had to see. Everything was now a pure struggle for me - just the simple act of getting out of bed in the morning. I felt lost, and everything just seemed hopeless.

Until yesterday...

The first thing that happened was - that morning - me admitting to one of my closest bros that no one understands the bond that Dara and me have. And, I know she's upset cuz I feel it. But, I can't do anything anymore cuz we'd came to the end of our journey together. I remember him telling me, 'you don't have to tell me what you and Dara have because I know.' And, it's the truth - Dara is my soulmate - we both know this. And, I am going to help illustrate this point.

About noon, a friend of mine stopped by and in conversation she brought up that she thought Dara had went to treatment after all. I was shocked - I said, "WHAT?" And, she told me that she didn't know for sure, but she thought Dara had went into the drug treatment program.

About an hour later, I go to my bro again, and I told him what I heard. I told him that I really needed to know for sure because it would literally change everything! I called my friend back and she told me Dara won't even be able to call or write for fifteen days, if she was in treatment. All I could think about was that I needed to know for sure - so I could stop trying to hate someone I love so much.

About an hour later, a call came from a Portland, Oregon number. It was Dara. The first thing she said was that she had this strong feeling that she needed to call me. She convinced the staff there that it was an emergency and called me from the office.

Man! Here's where my "manhood" comes into question because I started crying the minute I heard her voice. She'd been clean and in treatment for 5 days already, and she liked it. It was not as hard as she thought it would be. She has her own little apartment, and Blaze will be there in a couple weeks. Yes, it's a family drug abuse treatment program. She's in another city, far away, and she said the program will last months. I reassured her that I would literally do anything to help her with this! She needs anything - she better ask!

Anyhow, I know in my heart and soul that the change has taken hold of her life. This is a miracle. This is - literally - all that meant anything to me in life right now. We both told each other, 'I love you', and I am so happy. And, I'm writing this as an example.

Miracles do happen!

Somewhere I Have Never Traveled

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands


e. e. cummings

RIP Amanda Michelle Todd - November 27, 1996 - October 10, 2012

In her life Amanda Todd suffered at the hands of bullies who stalked her and harassed her, in an ordeal that started in cyberspace and spilled into the schoolyard.

Before she died at the age of 15, Amanda created a video telling of her painful experiences in the hope of saving other youths such suffering.

"I'm not doing this for attention. I'm doing this to be an inspiration and to show that I can be strong," Amanda wrote.

Her dream of helping kids is being carried on in the Amanda Todd Legacy, established by her family. This initiative will raise money for anti-bullying education and for support programs to help young people with mental health problems.

Despite growing awareness about the potentially devastating consequences of bullying, advocates working to combat the problem say they're badly in need of financial support.

The Todd family knows Amanda would want to help, to see her mission carried on.

"Amanda was a very caring individual. She would help others who needed help," Amanda's mother Carol told the Vancouver Sun. "One of Amanda's goals was to get her message out there and have it used as a learning tool for others."

It is a message that must be heard; a message aimed at ending bullying.

"We as adults have to pay attention to it. We have to recognize when we see it happening, and then once we see it happening we have to address it properly," British Columbia Premier Christy Clark told the Vancouver Sun in an interview following Amanda's death. "I don't believe for a second that anyone who is bullied doesn't want to report the fact that they were bullied; they don't trust that the people to whom they'll report it will use the information in a way that's going to protect them."

As reported by the Vancouver Sun, "In putting together her video, which Amanda did all on her own, Carol said her daughter wanted to help other young people who are being bullied and to bring attention and education to the problem in the hope of seeing it eradicated."

"I have lost one child but know she wanted her story to save 1,000 more."

For more information please visit:

https://vancouverfoundation.ca/Amanda/donateonline.asp 

We Dream The Future

Please create more love and sponsor
less fear, arm your souls with faith,
then shed your final tears. It'll rid
the world of hate, let's all hold Earth
dear. Imagine we're all doves flying the
breeze of peace, circling a globe of love
wrapped in the Golden Fleece. It'll heal
the world with hugs, let's put the Earth
at ease. Dreams are times together where
humanity's all one, the real world's just
a tether, the next level's where creation's
strung. It'll be a world named forever so
let's give the Earth some fun. We dream
the future, natured on the past, now raise
the mast of hope and let it light your path.


by Don Omni

"Goodbye, my friend, goodbye"

Goodbye, my friend, goodbye
My love, you are in my heart.
It was preordained we should part
And be reunited by and by.
Goodbye: no handshake to endure.
Let's have no sadness — furrowed brow.
There's nothing new in dying now
Though living is no newer.

by Sergei Aleksandrovich Esenin

Original in Russian:

До свиданья, друг мой, до свиданья. Милый мой, ты у меня в груди. Предназначенное расставанье Обещает встречу впереди.

До свиданья, друг мой, без руки, без слова, Не грусти и не печаль бровей,- В этой жизни умирать не ново, Но и жить, конечно, не новей.

ne033x notes

Written in his own blood, and given to a friend the day before he hanged himself, or so it is assumed.

Lone Gentleman

The gay young men and the love-sick girls,
and the abandoned widows suffering in sleepless delirium,
and the young pregnant wives of thirty hours,
and the raucous cats that cruise my garden in the shadows,
like a necklace of pulsating oysters of sex
surround my lonely residence,
like enemies lined up against my soul,
like conspirators in bedroom clothes
who exchange long deep kisses to order.
 
The radiant summer leads to lovers
in predictable melancholic regiments,
made of fat and skinny, sad and happy pairings:
under the elegant coconut palms, near the ocean and the moon,
goes an endless movement of trousers and dresses,
a whisper of silk stockings being caressed,
and womens breasts that sparkle like eyes.
 
The little employee, after it all,
after the weeks boredom, and novels read by night in bed,
has definitively seduced the girl next door,
and carried her away to a run-down movie house
where the heroes are studs or princes mad with passion,
and strokes her legs covered with soft down
with his moist and ardent hands that smell of cigarettes.
 
The seducers afternoons and married peoples nights
come together like the sheets and bury me,
and the hours after lunch when the young male students
and the young girl students, and the priests, masturbate,
and the creatures fornicate outright,
and the bees smell of blood, and the flies madly buzz,
and boy and girl cousins play oddly together,
and doctors stare in fury at the young patients husband,
and the morning hours in which the professor, as if to pass the time,
performs his marriage duties, and breakfasts,
and moreover, the adulterers, who love each other truly
on beds as high and deep as ocean liners:
finally, eternally surrounding me
is a gigantic forest breathing and tangled
with gigantic flowers like mouths with teeth
and black roots in the shape of hooves and shoes.


Pablo Neruda

Reluctance

Out through the fields and the woods
And over the walls I have wended;
I have climbed the hills of view
And looked at the world and descended;
I have come by the highway home,
And lo, it is ended.

The leaves are all dead on the ground,
Save those that the oak is keeping
To ravel them one by one
And let them go scraping and creeping
Out over the crusted snow,
When others are sleeping.

And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,
No longer blown hither and thither;
The last lone aster is gone;
The flowers of the witch-hazel wither;
The heart is still aching to seek,
But the feet question 'Whither?'

Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?


Robert Frost

A Personal Note On Love From ne033x

I do believe in God. And I can understand completely why so many don't. God doesn't cause wars, He doesn't judge you - it is man who does this. Everything in this life is up to us as free-thinking individuals to interpret as we will. I feel that the biggest problem we have is forgetting that from birth to the day of our death here - we must never cease to learn.

We are all on our own individual paths with our own burdens and challenges to carry with us. I sincerely feel that the saddest thing is to meet someone along the way who doesn't believe in a higher power or a life beyond what we have here. It explains a lot of the ills in this world, if you believe that this is all that there is. And, i know this sense of hopelessness very well because I once lived it too.

There are countless reasons to believe that there is no God. Especially a God that loves and cares for us. How can he allow so much tragedy to fall on His children? I can absolutely understand this reasoning. You have no idea.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I have seen my fair share of hardships. I will never compare my struggles with anyone else, except to say that this has been no easy path to walk. The very hardest for me was to be blessed in meeting my soulmate - my greatest love - best friend, only to have her taken from  me in a car wreck just weeks before we were to be married. I was going to add more, and beleive me, I could literally go on and on. I just want you to know that I can absolutely understand death, loneliness, dispair, utter disappointment, and those just aren't words. I've argued with God, said some pretty bad things, and have been to that point of surrender more than once.

A friend once came to me, asking if I had the time to talk. Her name was Marcy, and she was such a beautiful loving spirit. I was very busy at the time and told her I'd love to talk tomorrow, but just couldn't do it right then. She went home and hung herself with a belt in her closet. Yeah, I know about surrender. After the few years it took me to understand that her death was not my fault, I vowed never to turn anyone away who needed me. And, I also made a promise to myself to do what I could to make my world a better place.

So, maybe you wonder what religeon I follow? By what name do I call my God?

It's pretty simple really - I believe in the religeon of love! I need to stress that I very rarely talk about my spiritual beliefs because I just feel that every one of us shares a very personal relationship with God, and I love that. I have learned so much through every religeon I have had the honor to come into contact with. It's my personal opinion that God has shown Himself to all the major religeons, and if anyone has taken the time to study them , you'd see love as a foundation in them all. I used to use the example of the different religeons being individual children God sent out in the world in different directions. And, I will tell you that wise and loving people exist in these different religeons who consider all of us their brothers and sisters.

Anyways, I'm not writing this to tell you my way is right and I have all the answers because that's what I feel has been our biggest problem. No. I just want to share some Heavenly love and tell anyone that is facing a struggle or hardship in their lives, that no matter how unfair, nonsensical or confusing it may seem right now, it WILL make sense to you eventually. If you've experienced a loss through death, they're not dead - they've gone onto a much better place, and you will see them again! If you're experiencing a heartbreak for whatever reason, this will soon pass, and you will rise from the emotional hole that you're in with a greater understanding of love!

So many of us forget that love truly surrounds us all. You are lonely only by your own choice. If you doubt what I am telling you, it's just a matter of bringing some food to a homeless person on the street, asking them if you can sit down and share a meal with them. I have witnessed on more than one occasion tears flow from their eyes because I took the time to care. I'm offering just one way to help you, because no matter where you are, I promise you there is someone in need of your love - your caring. That is this power of love that I am talking about. On my back is a weeping angel with the words, 'Amor Vincit Omnia'. Because, love does conquer all!

Every single one of us is fighting our own individual struggle and no matter how bad you think you may have it right now, there is somebody who is having it worse than you! It may be hard, but try to notice the things that you can be thankful for. Understand that much that we experience may seem to make no sense, but I can tell you right now - with conviction - that these troubles we encounter make us better people -  wiser, stronger, and with a greater understanding of this world we live in. If obstacles in your way seem impossible to cross, never lose hope that you WILL eventually conquer them!

In all of my personal struggles, the greatest reward I have earned is to not only know a God exists, but to share a close relationship with Him. I am far from perfect - definately not a role model by any means, but the most important thing is that I tried my best. Through every single loss and the numerous tears shed along the way, I thank God every day for showing me the true power of love. And, no matter the situation, I am happy and content in my heart. and, the beautiful thing is I am learning more every day.

I know this was probably very boring, and I apologize. But, I am hoping just one person got something positive from it. Because, even though you may have heard it said without meaning, I do honestly love and care for you as a brother or sister on this long and winding road!

Danny Watson aka ne033x

DO WE NEED THIS KIND?

A wind of change is in the air.
Do we need this kind?
Is it really fair?
Do we really need bailouts?
Along with many, I have my doubts!

We are living in perilous times.
Too much greed, too much crimes.
Poor are poorer, rich are richer.
Are you finally getting the picture?

11 Timothy 3:1
''This know also,
that in the last days
perilous times shall come.''

But we don`t have to fear.
''And when these things begin
to come to pass; then look up,
and lift up your heads;
for your redemption draws near.''
( Luke 21:28 ) 


 By poetalthomas

I Carry Your Heart with Me

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in

my heart) I am never without it (anywhere

I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)


I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you


here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart


I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)



by E.E. Cummings